How I Realized I Am a Lesbian

How I Realized I Am a Lesbian

I was heartbroken at the time because of a girl, even then i didn’t know i was a lesbian but I promised myself not to let myself love again. but one day, I met this girl online, she was a friend of a friend, and the first time i talked with her, I fell in love with her at that moment and I remember telling myself “No, you promised yourself.” but i couldn’t stop myself, she was too amazing. She’s 5 years older than me, and months after talking with her , she casually started talking about her fiancee. I turned red when i saw the word “fiancee” but even then i didnt know I was a lesbian (Pretty stupid, huh?) I didn’t know i was because she felt exactly the same way i did, I know it. She told me she loved me all the time and even once she said “im pretty sure i’m in love with you”. but jokingly.

a year and a half later of talking every night, to her mind we were like sisters. to my mind, i was madly in love with her. a year and half later, it was time for her wedding.

I was crushed the day of her wedding. okay i was happy for her, how could you not, you want the person you love to be happy. I stared crying everyday on my pillow for months, all i thought about was her, before i go to sleep, when i wake up. she however, went on with her life, she rarely talked with me and she seemed fine with it.

Months after crying on my pillow and having headaches of thinking about her too much it hit me, why do i care about her so much? because i’m in love with her and i am a lesbian. I was 16 when i realized it.